For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
