Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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