i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
