At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
