The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
