uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
