yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just googled if crying burns calories
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
