i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
