this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
