I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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