Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
