drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
