alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
