if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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