If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
