He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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