Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
