I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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