I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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