Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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