He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
