dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
