you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
