You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
