Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
