Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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