told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
