I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
