I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
