Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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