Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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