Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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