just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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