OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
