You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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