I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
