I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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