Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
