The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
