I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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