Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
