no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
