You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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