Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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