It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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