ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
