I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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