He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
