Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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