i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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